Most of you know me pretty well, You have been following my life on YT and or on here for quite some time. You know my family, my Son Sean and my Husband Anthony.
Sean is from my previous marriage, he is 8 years old.
Anthony treats Sean as his own, and that has been great. But this new marriage has started a new family.
Anthony and I decided in June to start trying for a baby of our own. So far it's been devastatingly unsuccessful! Most people I've talked to tell me "give it a full year of trying before you seek help". People tell me that the average couple conceive within 1 year of trying and granted we have only been trying now for 4 and a half months.
My issue is that I'm not 20 anymore. I'm 31 years old. I don't want to be pregnant past 33 years old. It's just not what I want to do.
What makes a lot of this worse is that every single person I'm friends with here down in Florida is pregnant. I do not have ONE SINGLE unpregnant friend.
I have 4 friends down here, 2 local and 2 about an hour and a half away, all of which are in various stages of pregnancy. I know this sounds selfish and mean but I just don't want to hang out with a bunch of Pregnant people. I feel so alone, like they are all in some secret club that I just can't be a part of.
My heart is happy for each and every one of them but it also aches when they talk about their pregnancies.
I feel like Anthony and I have tried everything, From doing the baby dance everyday to trying every other day. I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. What am I doing wrong?
I don't know when I'm ovulating, I'm not those women that ovulate the same day every month, so it's more like a shot in the dark with Anthony and I. But I figured the month that we nearly tried everyday would hit the egg at some point. I was wrong.
It's been hard on me. I suppose it wouldn't be as hard on me if all my friends weren't pregnant. It's hard to associate with those I care about the most everyday knowing they were able to achieve what I could not. I know it sounds kinda selfish, but it's just how I feel. It's depressing. Every Negative Pregnancy test strips away another layer of hope. I'm so tired of that one single control line.
One thing that has made me smile and feel not so all alone is talking to Christina H. on Facebook. I met her via YT years ago and we are friends on FB. Christina is in the same boat as I and understands EXACTLY what I'm feeling and going through, just to have someone to talk to that is going through it too is HUGE!
My last period was August 23rd. I missed my period in September, but all Home Pregnancy Tests are negative. So I think my ovulation is just out of whack again and will probably get it here soon. I do have a Doctors Appointment Thursday and I'm hoping to get some insight as to what the hell is wrong with me. I am not going to wait a year to ask for help. Not when this baby business is taking such a high toll on my life.
Try ovulation testers. Take one every day for a month and it will tell you when you're ovulating. It works wonders for people like us who either dont know or when our periods are random.
ReplyDeleteAlso, test every week when you skip a period. A negative test doesn't mean "Not pregnant" it just means your Hcg levels weren't high enough to trigger it. It could be that you weren't far enough along. Try again a week later and see if there is a difference.
I know exactly how you feel. Me and my husband tried what seems like forever after my miscarriage. I thought I was no longer able to conceive since i opted out of the D&C. If you need anything let me know :) You know where to find me.
Also, look up stuff online, they have loads of information on trying to conceive. there are even a few apps on the Iphone that help.
I know it seems daunting right now, you just need to have faith that it will happen for you guys – don’t stress so much about it – as that can hinder the baby making plans. My periods are always out of whack so I never know when I am ovulating – have you tried getting the ovulation tests? Basically the same as a pregnancy test let’s you know if you are ovulating or not – so I assume. I know this may sound disgusting but I conceived my son while I was on my period – same happened with my sister and her two girls – they say you shouldn’t be able to conceive while on your period but for some way or another I guess my family is different as most of the children came about that way. I hope that the Doctor has some encouraging words for you and helps you guys along on your journey.
ReplyDeleteAnd... no your not selfish (when it comes to your friends being pregnant) That's just how you are feeling and it's OKAY to feel that way!
xoxo